The Space Cantina – My neurotic issues this week

SpaceCantina_HeaderIt’s been a while since I simply posted my thoughts on my blog, so I think I’ll take the time to do so now.

Lately I’ve been having trouble concentrating, collecting all my thoughts into one cohesive story and putting it down on the page. For this reason “The Blood” will miss a week due to the fact that I simply don’t have Part 12 done. This upsets me because I made a vow to post EVERY week, regardless. Well, I am going to have to break that vow. So for those of you who read my blog, I’m really sorry.

Work has been very busy lately and I’ve been putting in over 50+ hours each week about, including some hours on the weekend (when I’m not traveling). I’d like to say that’s the only reason I haven’t had a lot of chance to write, but it isn’t. The simple fact is I’m having a problem. For over a year now I’ve been trying to create this novel and there are weeks when it just goes and goes… and then it hits a snag that unravels the whole thing. I break it down and break it down and in the end the whole thing is scrapped and redone.

This week has been worse. I’ve been unable to sit and settle myself into any kind of writing mindset. I’ve been nervous and agitated, and I haven’t been able to focus on anything. I try but nothing gets done. I was sick today, though it was mostly just exhaustion. My stomach has been giving me bouts of nausea and my head just won’t give up the headache. No, it’s not some kind of weird illness… I’ve checked. Whatever it is, it’s related to my nerves and my inability to settle down. It’s like I’m having a nervous breakdown for no good reason.

This sounds like a lot of whining, and for that I apologize. I don’t know what’s happening to me or why. I don’t know why this novel just won’t get written. It’s finally split into TWO different stories even! Two different universes too. It’s getting ridiculous.

I wanted to write a story that made me feel the excitement of Battlestar Galactica again. It would be about starfighter pilots at their training academy as the whole universe begins to descend into war. I wanted to write what it was like to sit at school and feel helpless as everything around you turned to fire. I most especially wanted to create characters that you would identify with and cheer and cry with as they overcame their adversities and pushed through the worst of Plebe Year.

So why won’t it just come out?

I’m starting to wonder if I’ve read too much science fiction lately. If that sounds ridiculous it’s because it is. Basically I’ve been thinking too much about what is “realistic” and it’s destroying my fun in this genre. I’m getting too worried about what people will say about my physics and my lack of realistic science. I’m giving myself a bad case of paranoia and I need to stop.

I write fantasy in space. I also write about steampunk for no good reason. I write about fun things that excite me. There, I said it.

Now let’s see if I can just let it go and accept it.

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