Icarus – April 27th, 2099

April 27th, 2099

Sarah stands before me, her hands on my cheeks. I look into her eyes, feel her breath on my chin as she smiles. She hasn’t done that in so long. It’s a dream, the past, a past that is replacing the present.

Reaching out, I can feel her. I touch her short hair, my fingertips sliding through silky strands to the warm scalp below. She closes her eyes, sighing in contentment. Her body presses against mine and the scent of vanilla comes to me, faint but intoxicating. If I press my lips to hers, I know the taste of the gloss she wears will be strawberry. Strawberry and vanilla. I can’t smell, see or taste either without thinking of her.

It’s a fever dream but I can’t wake up. I follow her through the engine rooms, tap out numbers on keys that she tells me. Her whisper is in my ear, telling me we shouldn’t be alone. We should go home, go home and find others to be with.

I am at peace in those moments, when the dreams are at their most vivid. I could stay here forever and be all right, but I won’t. There is something in me that fights this perfection, this living dream. I won’t reach out to kiss her, to draw her to me forever, because that dream scared me then and I can’t accept it now.

And so I have these moments where I know I am becoming one of them. I wake from the dream and see my hand poised over the ship’s consoles and snatch it back. Sarah always said I was too afraid to reach out and embrace my dreams, but if she only knew the dreams I have now.

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Icarus – April 17th, 2099

April 17th, 2099

Anne is dead but we don’t know how long she’ll stay dead. I don’t know what to say, I can’t think straight. Nothing I write will make this whole thing make sense. She just went crazy and attacked her, biting and clawing at her.

After, we watched the whole thing on the cameras. When it happened, Anne was just there with Kira’s body in Medical, talking to her like she was still alive. I felt for her, it was the saddest thing I’ve seen in a while.

When it happened, there was no warning. Kira’s body jerked and suddenly she was up and screaming, biting at Anne’s face and shoulders, her fingers flailing, tearing. The worst of it was the blood, but it wasn’t Anne’s. It came from Kira’s mouth or eyes, we couldn’t tell.

Evan and Jennie both went in when they heard the Anne’s screams. They couldn’t have known what they were walking into. They managed to get Kira away from her but she turned on them too. Jennie has a good gash on her cheek and Evan was bitten so bad we almost lost him right then. Kate shot her, right in the head.

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but she didn’t die. We thought it was over, the damn flechettes took half her face off. They’re wood, made to splinter against the Icarus’s hull rather than punch a whole through, but at that range it should have killed her. It didn’t and Kate just managed to pull Evan and Jennie out before she was up and screaming again. Kate locked and sealed Medical from the outside and we set up the same thing we’d done with Kate’s room. She’s still in there, banging on the door and wailing like a damn banshee. I can’t shut it out.

Jennie and Evan are in Quarantine and Alex is doing what he can for them but Kira and Anne were the medical people. They’re both restrained too, in case what happened to Kira happens to them.

We need to get out of here.

Icarus – April 16th, 2099

April 16th, 2099

Kira’s fever spiked over 106 before she died. That was when Anne started screaming. I heard them outside the room, trying to calm her down. When I finally was able to bring myself to open the door, Jennie and Bree were keeping Anne back as Alex and Rich brought the body out.

The eyes were wide open. I’ll never forget what I saw in them, what was happening to them. It was like dropping a dark liquid into a lighter liquid. The darker liquid begins to draw itself out, seeping towards the bottom with long, sinewy tentacles. That was what was happening with Kira’s eyes. This black ichor was seeping its way in from the corners, wriggling like something alive.

They were becoming like those other dead men.

I stood with Jennie while Alex and Bree worked. Anne should have been the one to really do the autopsy but she was in no state of mind for it. Jennie grasped my hand the whole time and I held on firmly, too afraid that if she let go I’d turn away and run back to the room. I’m such a coward. Poor Anne just wants to see her, keeps screaming that she’s still alive.

I hope she’s wrong. I saw Kira’s dead eyes and that blackness wriggling through. It’s the ichor from the brain stem, I’m sure of it, and the thalamus and hypothalamus controls a good deal of the body’s primal functions, but nothing happened. She just died. Yet something is still happening in that body. Alex doesn’t understand it either.

Kira’s brain is still functioning.